Rebel Yell

I didn't yell at my dad today. I mean, I don't usually yell at my dad. But sometimes something will set the two of us off, and we get into one of our famous knock-down drag-out shouting matches. When I got home from running some errands tonight, I was running late. So was he. Our conversation went something like this. I am paraphrasing slightly. Him: "So, what did you do today?" Me: "Yard work, mostly." I moved mulch for about two hours. Sadly, this was most of what I accomplished today. Him: "So what did you do on your job hunt today?" (long pause) This is normally where things go from tense to bad. He's got a raised tone of voice, though he probably doesn't realize it. Usually I'll match tones, and the shouting begins. Today, I was just too tired to argue. So I told the truth. Me: "I didn't get anything done on it today." He's upset now. Him: "Well, why not?" More truth. Me: "I had a bad day, and between getting stuff together for the trip to Provo, and moving all that mulch it just didn't happen." Him: "What made your day so bad?" There's an ugly tone there. He's probably not had a great day either. He did come home from work two hours late. I look at the floor. I give the answer which is true, but which is utterly unsatisfying to me. It's the one that explains why I don't accomplish a lot of things that I want to do. It's my bane, my achille's heel, my enemy, my shame. Me: "Mostly, I was just exhausted." He looks utterly disarmed by that statement. Concerned, even. The conversation continues, but I won't detail that here. There's no hint of argument in it any longer. The key point was that somehow, I didn't yell at my dad today. I've been getting to know my parents the last few weeks. To know them not as a child, but as their son. The problem with my dad and I is that we're too much alike. We think about things in the same fashion. We respond to stress in the same ways. My mom says it's uncanny. My dad and I argue in the same ways too. It's infuriating. We each know the other's thought processes, and pick holes in each other's logic until logic can do no more, and there is only shouting. We both can seem angry sometimes, without meaning to. It's because we're worried about someone. Probably the person we seem angry with. My mom's told me this for years. But today, I think I finally understood what she meant. I didn't yell at my dad today.